|It seems like Halloween is celebrated earlier and earlier every year.|
I admire crafty people like M. Diddy, Amy Sedaris, and my sisters. I think their work is cute or terrifying or terrifyingly cute and all best viewed online. I would never sell something on Etsy, because I don’t think anyone would buy my half finished cross stitch or my old 5 iron with a smiley face drawn on it (Like I would ever sell that).
If I ever bought anything on Etsy, it would be something that captured the wit and whimsy of my pals Wilhelm and Randolph up there. Care to guess which one is which? A little hint, I just spent three minutes trying to figure out a better way to spell Randorange.
I am not crafty. I will never be as crafty as my sisters. One of my sisters makes handcrafted thank you notes. The only thing I do with my store bought thank you notes is write really large words because I think it makes my handwriting look better. They can sew. I can burn myself with hot glue guns. The last time I used a hot glue gun, in the service of a political campaign, I burned my fingers twice. But it was worth it, because how often does one get to be melodramatic over minor injuries while in a Democratic campaign headquarters? Other than some of the time.
In the largest creative gap between two of my sisters and I, they have created four amazing tiny human beings. To my credit, I have never burned any of them with a hot glue gun. I did put one of them in a side loading washing machine (IT WAS OFF) for what we all later agreed was a hilarious photo op. Putting Babies Where Babies Do Not Belong is a concept that is always funny. This is why Anne Geddes sleeps on bags of money. Does this make me a bad aunt? No, a bad aunt would have burned her nephews with hot glue guns. Case closed.
So when it comes to crafts, I avoid any that come with complicated instructions and more than two essential items. It’s just me, the least popular candidate from my fridge, a couple of Kleenex and a giant Sharpie with its toxic fumes. Throw them all together, add some artistic flair and my Halloween decorations are done, a month ahead of schedule. It’s a good thing.